Abusua Matters: How Akan Families Guide Life, Marriage, and Death
Why do some families refuse to step in when you need them, while others show up uninvited and seem to take over?
In Akan culture, family involvement is central to the significant life stages of birth, marriage, and death.
The abusua (extended family) and abusuapanyin (family head) are expected to be present from the beginning and remain involved throughout.
Whether it’s naming a child, joining two people in marriage, settling a separation, or planning a funeral, their role carries meaning.
Some people skip the process and later face problems. During illness, divorce, or death, they may realize the family will not step in. In the eyes of the abusua, if the proper channel was not followed, the situation may not be acknowledged.
Certain rites may not be performed. This approach reflects the value placed on doing things properly and involving the people who hold responsibility within the family.
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The Role of the Abusuapanyin in the Family
The abusuapanyin is typically an elder from the maternal line who is respected, responsible, and trusted to speak on behalf of the family.
The word comes from abusua (family or clan) and panyin (elder), meaning the elder who speaks and decides on behalf of the family group.
The family often chooses someone based on wisdom, experience, and the ability to resolve disputes.
In many cases, they are selected by consensus from among the eligible uncles or elders in the lineage.
That said, some step into the role simply because they are the oldest, most available, or were expected to take it on, regardless of whether they are the most prepared for it.
People often ask whether a woman can be abusuapanyin. In most cases, the role is given to a man.
However, women hold their own leadership roles in the family, especially as ɔbaapanin (female head of the maternal line).
Understanding who the abusuapanyin is helps explain why their presence is expected at major life events, such as marriage, separation, or death, and why it is sometimes questioned.
The Importance of Family in Akan Marriage
Marriage starts with a conversation between families. It’s not just about the couple deciding to be together.
The man’s family must approach the woman’s family through a formal process. At this first meeting (kɔkɔɔkɔ), they come with schnapps and formally state their intention for the man to marry the woman.
This shows seriousness and respect, and allows the woman’s family to respond in a structured way.
Then comes the awareɛ (engagement ceremony), where both families come together in front of witnesses. Each family brings an abusuapanyin who serves as the spokesperson.
More schnapps is included, along with other agreed-upon items like cloth and money. These are part of the official list requested by the woman’s family and fulfilled by the man’s family.
At this stage, a few key things must happen:
- The woman is asked publicly if she agrees to the marriage
- The agreed-upon items are formally handed over
- Each abusuapanyin confirms the steps taken on behalf of their family
- Family witnesses are present and acknowledge the union
Once these steps are completed, the marriage is recognized under customary law.
No white wedding is required. A couple can choose to have one, but it is optional. In the Asante tradition, the customary process alone is enough to be seen as fully married.
Some people ask, “What if we live abroad and can’t do the full ceremony?” Even in those cases, some form of representation or official family approval is expected.
The key is that the families are involved, not just informed later.
That’s why some might say, “Did you inform us when you got married?” This tends to come up later in life.
It could be when decisions need to be made, during a divorce, or after someone passes away.
If the family wasn’t properly involved at the beginning, they may not be willing to step in when it counts. Some may not even acknowledge the marriage as legitimate.
Why Schnapps Must Be Returned in a Customary Divorce
In a separation, the schnapps given during marriage must be returned. The woman’s family often handles this process. Until that is done, the man’s family may not recognize the divorce.
Some ask, “Can I just walk away from the marriage if we are not happy?” In Akan tradition, walking away is not enough. If the drinks are still with the family, the marriage is not seen as officially ended.
If you marry again without formally closing the first one, the new relationship may not be recognized or respected by the family.
The return of the schnapps is not about money. It is the way to end obligations between two families. It closes that chapter in the same way it was opened, through the family.
Another common question is: “Can I keep the marriage private and handle the divorce publicly?” That creates confusion.
If you didn’t involve the family during marriage, they might not feel obligated to support you during divorce.
Many see marriage as a union between families, not just individuals.
So if the cultural process was skipped, the family may not recognize the marriage or participate in ending it.
How the Abusua Handles Death
When a spouse dies, the first step in Asante tradition is to inform the abusuapanyin, the head of the deceased’s family.
The abusua meets to confirm the death before any public announcement. Even if the person passed in the same household as the spouse, the news is not shared outside the family until this meeting happens.
The abusua takes outward responsibility for all funeral planning. The spouse works with the family in the process, not without, or ahead of them.
In Asante belief, the body returns to the family it came from. They are the ones who oversee burial and related rites.
This process can be particularly challenging for spouses who live far from their in-laws or lack a close relationship.
Skipping these steps can cause conflict, as the family may see it as disrespect to both the deceased and the tradition.
If disagreements arise over funeral plans, the abusuapanyin usually has the deciding voice.
The smoothest outcomes happen when both sides communicate early and agree to follow the cultural process.
The Role of a Will in Akan Funeral Planning
A will can provide clarity about property and assets, but it does not remove the family’s role in funeral planning. The abusua still expects to be informed and involved in every step.
For peace after passing, we are encouraged to discuss any wishes in advance with the abusuapanyin and immediate family members.
Family Protocols from Death to Funeral
Stage 1 – Confirmation and Internal Planning
Once the abusuapanyin and key relatives have been told, the family confirms the death. They meet to agree on the plan forward, including when and how to announce it to the broader community.
Stage 2 – Public Announcement
Only after the plan is set does the death become public knowledge. Extended relatives, community members, and friends are informed.
Stage 3 – Funeral Preparations
The funeral may take place weeks or months later, depending on the family’s decision. In the days leading up to burial, the body is prepared according to custom. This may include washing, dressing in chosen cloth, and placing symbolic items that reflect the person’s life and family ties.
Stage 4 – Funeral and Burial Rites
The funeral is a family and community responsibility. The abusuapanyin ensures all rites are carried out correctly. If the deceased held a respected title or position, elders and chiefs may also be involved.
💡 Did You Know?
In Ashanti culture, Dote Yie is a special burial ceremony reserved for chiefs and royals. It serves as the formal farewell to a leader and includes the display of regalia, traditional drumming and dancing, and rituals to honor the person’s spirit. These rites are rich in symbolism, showing the community’s respect for the chief’s life and service.
Other Life Events Where the Abusua Is Involved
The abusua’s role doesn’t begin or end with birth, marriage, and death. Here are a few other times when their presence is essential:
- Naming ceremonies (outdooring): The abusuapanyin may lead the gathering or perform the outdooring ceremony. They do not usually choose the name but help formalize the occasion.
- Puberty rites: For girls, especially, the family confirms readiness and helps coordinate the rites of passage.
- Land and inheritance issues: The family head signs off or leads decisions around shared land.
- Disputes or public shame: If someone brings shame to the family, the abusuapanyin may be expected to address it publicly.
- Chieftaincy selection: In matrilineal Akan groups, the abusuapanyin may advise on who is eligible within the family, though final decisions often involve broader consultations.
Each of these moments reinforces the same message: no one stands alone. The family, especially through the abusua, carries the responsibility of protecting dignity, making peace, and keeping tradition.
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When the Structure Feels Disruptive
Some people may say the abusua only shows up when there’s land to divide, a funeral to control, or a decision to block.
It can feel like disruption rather than support. Others have seen family heads use their role as a way to silence or overpower, rather than guide.
These concerns are valid. And they come from lived experiences. However, when the structure is followed with respect, honesty, and communication, it actually helps prevent chaos, rather than cause it.
The abusuapanyin is not meant to dominate. They’re supposed to protect the family’s dignity, help manage expectations, and make sure things don’t fall apart when emotions are high.
Without their guidance, many people are left unsure. They may not know who to turn to or which parts of the culture still apply.
The tradition itself isn’t the problem. It’s how it’s used. When used well, it brings clarity, not confusion.
“Abusua yɛ dom” translates to: “The family is an army.”
Breakdown:
- Abusua = extended family or lineage group
- Yɛ = is/are
- Dom = army or organized force
If you’re part of an Akan family, the role of the abusuapanyin carries weight. Much as it does in other cultures, this kind of elder leadership helps hold things together during life’s biggest transitions.
Naming, marriage, separation, death. These moments are not meant to be handled alone. The family steps in with structure and support.
You may not agree with every step, but understanding what’s expected gives you a starting point. Talk to your family early. Ask questions. Make room for clarity before things become difficult.
These customs still shape how many families in Kumasi and across the Ashanti Region approach life’s milestones.
When handled with respect and understanding, they can offer peace, protection, and a sense of belonging.
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